Fellow Toastmasters, guests, and judges,
I’ve often read that a leader's job, among other things, is to take responsibility. When things don’t go as planned, there can be a strong temptation to find someone to blame.
However, unless that information will form part of the solution, the energy spent assigning blame is a waste of time at best, and may well make things worse.
My wife and I have been ballroom dancing for a few years. Tonight, I would like to show the parallel between leadership in life and leading on the dance floor and how ballroom dancing is an amazing opportunity to learn and apply leadership principles that will apply to all aspects of life.
The thing about dancing is that the feedback as to whether you're an effective lead or not can be almost instantaneous. (if you avoid looking to blame someone else.)
When your role in business or as a parent for example demands leadership, your effectiveness in that role, or lack thereof, may not become obvious until you have the benefit of hindsight. By that time, it may be too late to correct your errors, or even to detect what errors you may have made.
Now, in ballroom dancing, I’ve often seen couples stopped on the floor, debating which of them is guilty of making a mistake. (I've actually seen people storm off the floor!)
As with levying blame in business.... this serves no purpose and only makes things worse. (Believe me on this, or if not, feel free to ask my wife.)
The true leader simply takes responsibility for the solution. If I'm leading, (and I maintain this proper frame of mind), and the dance isn't smooth, it's my job to correct it. Now some of you may suggest that I'm taking more than my share of responsiblity as perhaps my wife is, in fact, the one who has made the mistake.
I would respond to this in two ways..... firstly, who actually made the mistake is besides the point. Secondly, those who know a little about ballroom dancing (especially the ladies) will know that, if my lead is "perfect", my partner's role becomes much, much easier; actually, it will be more difficult for her to make a mistake then to do it right. To do it wrong would require that she go against my lead to do it incorrectly which will feel very unnatural and forced to her. Conversely, when my lead falls short, the result is not neutral for her, it is an added challenge over and above her just knowing her steps, and just as she would have to resist a good lead to do it wrong, she now has to compensate for my errant leadership in order to get it right. (Difficult if not impossible)
You see, , I'm always leading her in the right direction or in the wrong direction, never a neutral one. A leader is always helping or hurting... food for thought.
"Leadership would be easy if it weren't for people!"; "They're so irrational and difficult to deal with!". You may have heard these complaints, only half jokingly.
When a musician makes a mistake, he doesn't usually blame his instrument.... it is an inanimate object.... alternatively, dealing with people is very different because they are far less predictable.
Learning to play a musical instrument. although not easy may be more straightforward. A friend once told me, "my guitar is always in the mood".
But leadership is not about leading inanimate objects, it's about leading people with all their wonderful diversity of moods and motivations, and, in dancing, it is a wonderful opportunity (sometimes very humbling) to see just how good you really are with people. (as much or more so than how good you are at dancing.)
One of the things I’ve told men to encourage them to take ballroom dance lessons, is that ballroom dancing may be the last bastion of male dominance left in society. The man leads and the lady follows!
However, what I conveniently leave out at that stage, is that, as with the quote from the Spider Man movie, “with great power, comes great responsibility”.... there is very big catch to this...what do I mean? Simply, if I make a mistake, it’s my fault, if my partner makes a mistake, it’s still my fault, because my lead was bad.
In ballroom dancing, to be a good lead, which by the way, is very much of an aspirational goal for me with lots of work yet to do, you have to maintain a “good frame”.... in fact, in many ways, the lady is the beautiful painting, and the man’s job is to make her look good.
A good frame is akin to leading by example, being a good role model... it is essentially the opposite of don’t do what I do, do what I say!
If my frame is off, it’s like a leader who lacks integrity. My leaning over my wife, or pulling her out of her frame, can make her life very difficult.
Also, when my frame is proper, then my signals can be very subtle, so much so, that my partner is barely aware of being led, she simply perceives that she is doing what comes naturally as if any other alternative would seem odd. She feels inspired.
If my frame is not proper, I will tend to force my lead, literally using my strength to practically wrestle my partner into submission. It can appear to work, but it comes at a high price, and there is a very good chance you may soon be looking for a new partner. She feels manipulated.
It is easy to start a dance in frame, but forget about it, and start to slouch or lower your arms, part way through. Maintaining a good frame requires us to focus on being vigilant of it, even when we may feel overwhelmed by the new steps we are just learning at the time. Maintaining integrity in life also requires focused vigilance. You can do the right thing or the easy thing. They are never the same.
Regardless of any titles, we truly are all leading people in one direction or another. So, if I get frustrated with people I lead, I try to reflect whether their behaviour is a mirror of my own shortcomings as a leader, and how I can improve.
If I catch myself thinking “what wrong with THEM?”....is it an example of one finger pointing at them, and three pointing back at me?
Certainly human beings have free will, and I'm not suggesting that one take responsibility for everyone else's actions but.... as a leader, I can strive not to waste time on assigning blame, but to first look within when it comes to finding the solution.
A bumper sticker I once read, said: "Dancing is Life"... I think there is a whole lot of truth there...
Thanks for listening!
Posted by Richard Chartrand CFP, Certified Personal Trainer at 2:26 PM
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