Watching life go by, rather than living it!

I read that natives used to fear getting photographed, because they believed that the camera actually stole a part of their soul which wound up on the photo.

At first, when I read this, I thought, how primitive and superstitious, but then after a while I started to wonder about this.

Before photography, and mirrors were common place, consider that most people rarely got to see their own reflection unless they happened to be staring into still water.

What I believe this caused was people who were more concerned with who they actually were, rather than who they appeared to be. With photography, film, etc., I believe we've become a group of people who have confused appearance with reality.

You will hear people say things like, I don't want to "look foolish" or dress a certain way so they can "look sharp."

Shakespeare said that "all the world's a stage", but have we become "actors playing a part", rather than actually trying to be someone who personifies values that we've chosen for ourselves?

And if so, have we actually lost our "souls"? as the natives first thought.

When someone becomes more concerned with how they appear than how they actually are, and worse, doesn't even realize they're doing that, life can become very hollow indeed.

I've heard very old people claim that you reach a certain age where one of the greatest freedoms achieved is when you actually stop caring what other people think. As a sales manager, I see many advisors struggle with fear of rejection, which is of course, an irrational concern with how they appear to others.

I use the term irrational because what people are doing when they engage in this type of behaviour is they are accepting the deception of what I believe Ayn Rand called "reality by consensus". Reality by consensus is where one believes that what "they" say makes it true. If I can manipulate people to believe I am cool, then that makes me cool. If people reject me, then I am less then. (the crux of peer pressure with adolescents, but do most people really outgrow it?)

Reality, of course, is not up to a vote. As Jack Welch's mother used to tell him, "don't kid yourself, Jack, it is what it is!" and Aristotle long before said, "A is A".

Objective reality logically dictates that causes have effects. What people do when they work on reality by consensus is they reverse the two. If I have a lot of money, the effect, that will make me the type of person who has what it takes, which is the cause. (even if that money is obtained in some fraudulent manner) If I only had Mr. or Mrs. Right on my arm, the effect, that would make me an attractive (physically and otherwise) person, the cause.

So we tend to go through life, in a state of confusion about the true nature of reality and filled with insecurities of all kinds about whether we "appear to be" rich enough, thin enough, cool enough, muscular enough, smart enough, etc. etc.

Part of this problem is caused also I believe by television and other mediums where we "watch people living". The book, "This is Your Brain on Music" by Daniel Levitin brings up an important point. Levitin makes the point in reference to music, but it carries to other areas of life as well.

He points out that the phenomenon of superlative performers being on a stage with spectators watching them is relatively recent in human history. We've come to think of certain people as performers and the rest of us as spectators.

He cites someone who spent some time with primitive tribes who encouraged him to participate in singing with them. When he replies, "I can't sing", the natives are confused about his reply thinking he has some sort of physical defect, as they are unfamiliar with the concept of "I can't sing" because in their culture, they don't have "performers and spectators".... everyone sings, and of course before television, families and friends would participate, everyone sang, or played a musical instrument and danced. The idea, that "I can't dance" or "I can't sing" really means, "I can't do this publicly because I will "look foolish" because I'm not good enough at it, for people to watch me.

So we watch our sports heroes, movie stars and talented musicians, sometimes thinking how lucky they are and how we wish we could be admired as they are. There is nothing inherently wrong with watching and admiring them, because these people give us an incredible gift by showing us what is possible for people to achieve, and the proper reaction should be for us to be inspired to go after our own goals, not to have a feeling of envy for people we mistakenly think can enjoy life on some level unavailable to us.

The truth is that most of us will not have the inherent gifts to become world class, (but we might) but all of us can live our lives much more fulfillingly by being "doers" rather than "spectators". What we can achieve in comparison to others is actually irrelevant, it is how much we can improve personally. (others should simply inspire us or we should inspire others, competition is for fun, worrying about "beating" others or being "beat" is just another symptom of worrying about how we appear.)

If we let go, of how we appear, (get our souls back!) and focus on the pure joy of doing (achieving) and "being" (how we really are rather than how we look to others) our lives will be far fuller.

We will cease to lead what Ayn Rand has called "second handed lives" (living according to what we believe are other people's expectations) where we are filled with insecurities for not meeting some artificial standard and resentment for not doing what truly makes us happy, and lead the lives of "prime movers" people who think for themselves rather than let other people do that for them...(if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything!) and who focus on being rational (not confusing cause and effect, or thinking reality is up to a vote) and as such, will feel secure, fulfilled and achieve the happiness which is, after survival, what we are all here for..... look forward to your comments and passing this on....